That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize