so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
