mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
