ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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