a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
