She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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