he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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