How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
