i'm lost and i look like a hooker
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
