Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize