too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
