It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
