I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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