i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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