Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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