I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's always time for handjobs
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
