i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
