Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sext me about skeletons
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