He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize