You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
