so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
