My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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