are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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