Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
