Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
