My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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