We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
bring money and cleavage
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
