are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
