thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
