Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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