She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
