I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
not ubering you a puppy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
