i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
