I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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