There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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