were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize