my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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