you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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