Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize
