Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
