you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
