dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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