piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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