Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I pour the whiskey from now on
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
