i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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