Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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