wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
