I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize