I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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