why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
