He kissed a someone with a penis
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
