Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
