operation have a gay friend backfired
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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