Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize