if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
