Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
