Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
