Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
