She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
