I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
