And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just come out here and I will go home with you...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
