Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You were trust falling into bushes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
