I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
